Quarantine Radish Watch

I planted radishes on March 17. Radishes like cold weather. They only take 24 days to grow. Maybe, I thought naively, they’d be ready by the time this whole quarantine thing was over.

Urban farming came to me reluctantly. I grew up across the street from a cornfield. There were 40 people in my high school graduating class and we could all differentiate types of manure by smell. For the uninitiated, chicken is the worst. When we’d take field trips to bustling metropolises like Columbus, Ohio, I’d fantasize about the anonymity of being in a crowd of busy-looking people, of working in a skyscraper. I liked the idea of a fast-paced life, far away from corn.

Twitter Bad

For those of us who use Twitter frequently (a decidedly terrible fate), a common observation is that Twitter always thinks we're approaching The End of the World™.

This is true even in times of extreme normalcy. A new, particularly insipid New York Times Opinion Column? End of the World. Donald Trump golfing? End of the World. A beloved bar closes down in Brooklyn? End of the World. Neera Tanden tweets something in bad faith? End of the World. Now that things are approaching something that could reasonably be considered the End of the World (a dual pandemic/climate change smackdown), Twitter is, of course, responding as Twitter does: an endlessly scrollable, bizarre mixture of grandstanding and panic.

small nice things

I guess technically you can make your own preserved lemons, which seems like a charming, homesteady thing to do, but you'll have to go elsewhere if you want someone to teach you how.

I made fun of Tatler when they posted their dumb, probably-not-a-joke stockpile article, but I do think there is some wisdom in stocking up on some Small Nice Things to get you through the shittiness to come. Man cannot live on chickpeas alone, etc. So in addition to tinned peaches and tinned baked beans and tinned tuna and too much toilet paper, may I recommend also acquiring some small, mostly-inexpensive things that will cheer you up a little as you descend into your basest self. Some recommendations, based entirely on my own personality, so tinker as needed to suit yours:

- popcorn kernels, plain vegetable oil, butter (keeps for ages in the fridge!), and a spread of odd salts (e.g., chipotle salt, chili lime salt, seaweed salt), for making Luxury Popcorn to enjoy while you're streaming your eyes raw

- nice coffee beans (ideally purchase these from your local coffee shop which is going to be struggling to make rent over the next few months)

- a few packs of feta, Manchego, any sharp cheese that lasts for ~month or longer in the fridge (you don't need to go for fancy brands, you won't care about brands in a few weeks)

- potted herbs, e.g. mint, basil, rosemary (and then actually keep them alive) (a nice new hobby!!)

- extra powdered spices!!! don't forget this!!! you will run out!!! you need to flavor your infinite beans

- books, obviously, lots of them. especially, though of course not exclusively, ones published recently (ordered from your local bookstore, which will also be struggling to make rent over the next few months). in addition to whatever floats your boat, I also recommend getting:

- one or two very long books that will make you feel Smart and Accomplished if you read them, even though you probably won't?? but maybe you will, and how good will that feel, you'll be so smug!

- and one or two fast-paced "airport reads", books you wouldn't normally buy or read, even though you'd probably enjoy them on some level, because they are -- unlike literary fiction -- written to be enjoyed

- nice underwear, not lingerie, normal underwear, just the kind that's made out of soft, high-quality fabric and makes you feel like someone who has their life together

- a digital subscription to any number of publications that have their archives online, so you can read stuff that has nothing to do with coronavirus, maybe stuff from the 1930s even, that was an interesting time

- a few jars of preserved lemons (savior of all dull meals)

- a blog

Pls comment with the small nice things you are hoarding to keep yourself sane! (Bonus points if they're free, but what is.)