My fish died last week

I know this kind of thing isn't supposed to be a big deal, not like human death, or even dog death. But it's not like I haven't had other "bigger" deaths, and she was special. She was with me for 2.5 years, and alive who knows how long before that. It was bad timing, as she was my quarantine company, but there was never going to be a good time.

Her name was Fern and she was a blue betta. She was named after two great women, Fern from Charlotte's Web, and Fern, the ficus in Hannah Montana ("she's a ficus named Fern!"). I got her as a break-up fish, at a time when I really needed something to care for. She ended up being a relationship fish, when I found a person for that.

There was never a point when I wasn't aware that I had placed too much emotional significance on Fern. She earned it, but it wasn't healthy to put that kind of weight on something so fragile. And yet she kept proving me wrong by surviving the most ridiculous escapades (six apartments, many taxi rides, two overfeeds by visiting admirers, multiple dead water plants). Everyone loved Fern. She lit up a room. The second I walked in she would fall over herself trying to get attention from her bowl. Sure, it was probably a Pavlovian response, but we all started to believe she just really liked to dance.

On Monday, NPR posted their Tiny Desk with Harry Styles, in which he says the song "Adore You" is about a fish. The audience laughs. Maybe it's a joke! But also maybe it's not?

"I just had this fish and I just really liked it," he says. Me too.