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Saturday 21 March 2020

Isolation cycles to rinse, repeat, remix

I feel fine. I am healthy. I am ok. This will all pass.

I have been staring at the wall for an undetermined amount of time.

What day is it?

Fucking furious. How are people still not following social distancing rules? Why are people traveling? Why are people taking risks?  Everyone is an asshole. I am also an asshole, for calling everyone an asshole.

Everyone is an asshole. I am not an asshole.

I miss my friends. Are they ok? I wish I could see them.

Everyone is an asshole.

I feel intimately connected to people I never thought I would.

I miss the weird crush of people in New York at any given time.

I miss the darkness of bars and the smell of strangers and the sweat from being crammed into rooms because there are always more people and there is never enough space.

I miss walking around without fear.

I am encouraged by the people around (ha ha "around") me.

I am proud of those who are enduring, even now.

The mere thought of food is making me sick.

Is that a scratch in my throat? It is. I'm fine.

It's allergies.

I am getting sick. I wasn't safe enough. I'm definitely sick.

It's allergies.

I'm fine.

I can't sleep.

I can't stop sleeping.

I need to eat everything in my fridge right now.

I need to clean every inch of my apartment right now.

I mean...is [redacted] actually kind of hot or is this just pandemic brain? Anyone?

I have been staring at Twitter for an undetermined amount of time.

I have so much manic energy and so much time to use it. I'm going to finally learn that thing I've always wanted to. I'm going to write more. I feel clear-headed and alert.

I can't focus.

I feel hopeless.

I feel ok.

I feel anxious.

I feel like things will be alright, even if it takes time.

I feel like I am learning to appreciate the things I took for granted.

I feel so alone.

I feel like I've hit my stride. I'm having a good time.

I'm happy.

I'm content.

I miss my friends.

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