What Should You Do Tonight? Vol. 1

All the bars are closed. Cities are facing stricter quarantine by next week, if not over the weekend. Speaking of, the weekend feels no different than the week! But you have more time to kill. So what should you do at home? Our contributors have some suggestions.

Do Back Exercises

This is a video of a weirdly buff older Asian man doing some simple back exercises. I don't think/know if it will fix scoliosis (seems like a big thing to promise) but it makes my back feel better after being hunched over at my weird makeshift WFH setup (laptop stacked on top of 5 books I will never read, including Obama's Dreams from my Father; Larissa's Apple keyboard; a gaming mouse my Capricorn bf gifted me close enough to Valentine's Day that I've started saying it was for Valentine's Day) for 6-8 hours every day. And it's easy to do. And also this man is kind of hot. — Clare Mao

Embrace Teenage Nostalgia

Tonight you should return to the indulgent traditions of your adolescence ie masturbate elaborately, smoke loosely rolled joints and eat too many buttered noodles, stuff your bra, pretend the vodka you're drinking belongs to your parents, begin Portnoy's Complaint but switch to The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, draw on your arms in Sharpie, practice kissing. — Natalie Beach

Avoid Booze

Try a non-alcoholic beer! They're surprisingly... OK? Maybe the UK is behind the rest of the world in the responsible-drinking leaderboard, but now that we're all needing that extra shot of relaxation, a low or no alcohol beer really takes the edge of things. Plus it's a good way to space out actual shots. Suggested brand: Infinite Session American Pale Ale. — Adrian Hon

Make Perfume 

Got a fragrant bouquet of flowers that is dying? Make perfume by putting the blossoms in water overnight, then simmer it until you got like 2 tablespoons left. Strain it, cool it and dab/spray it on your pillows for a nice sleep smell. If you don't have flowers, spices like bay leaf, lavender, and vanilla also work. I just did daffodil and bay leaf, real springy shit. — Jenn de la Vega

Pretend You're Somewhere Else

Open the windows. Get a cross breeze going through your apartment. Put on a music stream — the kind you might hear wafting from an open window, but waft it through your own window. Some real cabana vibes. Might I suggest ClubSteppin.Com. Take a sip of ice cold water. Etch another day into the tally on your wall. — Nausicaa Renner

Roleplay a Dissolute British Toff

Download the Patrick Melrose novels in audiobook form, put your phone on airplane mode, and listen to a chapter while taking a nice evening shower (a pleasure distinct from those of the morning shower). Post-shower, still naked, still listening to the dulcet tones of Alex Jennings reading Edward St Aubyn, apply a small dollop of your nicest-smelling lotion to your entire body. Once you are fully lotioned up, let the lotion sink into your skin while you do some gentle stretches in your nice, steamy bathroom. If you have a nighttime skincare regimen, do it now, slowly and meticulously; if you don't, just splash some nice cool water on your face. Ahh, that's pleasant, isn't it. Chuckle at the goings-on of stodgy English aristocrats while tensing and releasing the muscles in your face, jaw, and neck. Reach a natural stopping point in the audiobook, turn your phone off, drink a glass of water, and go to sleep. Dream of the countryside. — Jennifer Schaffer

Watch a Movie 

If you’re not into “scary” movies but still want a jolt to your system you should watch A Simple Favor, a 2018 movie that resists categorization. The movie is like a shock to the system: hilarious, sick, and terrifying. Blake Lively is very good in it. Pairs well with a perfectly made martini. (Make sure you have the ingredients on hand.) — Myles Tanzer