Where to begin...

My job requires sending a lot of emails out everyday, as I’m sure many jobs do. Often it’s talking to people I’ve emailed before but never met in person. These are people I probably will never meet in person. Still, there’s a semblance of a connection between us—the need to practice certain colloquial pleasantries you wouldn’t otherwise do if the email were to someone you’ve never conversed with before. (Which isn’t to say the pleasantries aren’t genuine! I truly hope these people are doing well!) But I’m also now at a loss for how best to begin emails while also admitting that something extremely large and uncanny is afoot.

Hope you’re doing well during these bizarre times

There are a few phrases I’ve relied on this week that piggyback off of what I usually say. Instead of “how are you?” I say something like the above. ‘Bizarre; has become a really useful word here because it means nothing and is broad enough so that everyone can tap into it. We’re in bizarre times, not catastrophic times. I can’t say bad times because this is a work email. How bizarre.

How are you faring through this ordeal?

Sometimes it’s a question that won’t get answered. We also have to use euphemisms a lot. Situation, ordeal, etc. I frequently ask how people are. Sometimes people reply that they are fine. No one, in this context, will say they are bad. All they’ll say is they are in their homes and taking it day by day.

It’s been a wild few weeks, eh?

Wild is a great word and I overuse it a lot. But we are in wild times! The eh is a bit much but, again, these are wild times.

Emailing you from my womb of an apartment, as I hope you are too

Find that common ground. In times like these, there is a lot of common ground.

Hope you're safe and healthy!

I ate a sandwich for lunch because I bought sandwich supplies from the store a few days ago. Moving on...

Here’s hoping the globally-felt depression isn’t long-lasting

Are you working from a desk or sitting in your bed. This sounds very personal but I’m just trying to make normal human everyday conversation in this message. I’m sorry, so sorry.