The Hill I'm Possibly Dying On: Being a Theatre Professional During a Pandemic

Some things about this week for moi, a theatre professional:

-I have spent two months as the dramaturg for a new musical that was supposed to open tonight.
-As of one week ago I had five sets of tickets to various plays around LA (with varying degree of refund potential). A couple of these were okay, and a couple I was very very excited for. (One was also kind of a big a networking opportunity. Gross, but if I can't be honest on this sketchy little blog, what hope do we have?)
-I had a well-paying improv gig booked, hosted by a famous comedian I love.

So obviously all of these things have been cancelled in the past 48 hours. I am sad in a way I think a lot of people are sad right now--having to cancel/cut back/strain their regular lives and then immediately guilty for even caring about their trite little problem when thousands of people have been/will be dying.

So this is the context for a dicey interaction I had this afternoon. The scene has been set, if you will. (Again, I do theatre.)

This afternoon an unknown number called me, but it was the same area code my manager has when she uses her landline, so I picked up. But it wasn't her. It was the biggest commercial theatre in LA. The woman speaking to me leapt right in explaining they have an incredible season coming up! She started telling me the show I saw there last year is coming back! And before I could tell her I actually despise that show (go off in the comments if you want me to spill) she started talking about the rest of their season! A couple Broadway shows from this year I'm vaguely interested in (but not enough to pay $180 a ticket for when I've already absorbed the soundtracks into my skin) and then classic crusty Les Mis and a fun! new! play! about three men! And they play all the parts! Even the women parts! She listed eight shows to choose from and only one was created/directed by a woman. I'm just not interested.

This woman was panicked. She was ripping through this pitch with desperation that made recent grocery lines look like club med. And I know why! Because every theatre in the country is hurting right now. They all lost tons of money and put bunches of actors and technicians out in the cold. She's worried about her place of work and her job. Like me. So I told her kindly, "Look, I like to mostly support female-made work." She was like, "We do play readings! And half the new work is for women writers!" And I was like, okay why do I have to go to these man plays to support that? "The subscriptions support that!" Then she reminded me several times how much I paid for one stupid ticket to the sexist musical I saw last year and how a subscription is a better deal! But it's not a good deal if I don't want to see the shows! But I think you do! she said. She explained how one has AMAZING STAGING. Lady! I just lost a bunch of work and was up at 5 AM to beat the hoards to the grocery store so I could inexplicably not find half the items on my list and substitute with ridiculous snacks like ranch dip and powdered scone mix! No staging is so amazing I care about supporting men so in a weird trickle down fashion so some woman will have a crummy play reading!

I (graciously) kept saying, "No, thank you" and she kept disagreeing with me about what shows I would like? So I said "I'm going to go now" and she yelped over me she would be sending me emails, and I said, "Please do not send me anything." She suddenly got so defensive, as if I had screamed at her, and I felt bad. I don't know why this interaction is sticking with me. I feel both vindicated/annoyed and ashamed. Maybe I should have just accepted her stupid emails.

In hindsight perhaps I got so spiny because the call felt metaphorical to the garbage pile America is in. Why should I--a working writer whose tiny little opportunities were squashed indefinitely--support theatre as a concept by funding giant productions that don't represent me and, frankly, couldn't care less about me? How did this happen? I'm so worried about servers at chain restaurants so much that I am considering going to those chain restaurants and maybe getting a deadly virus to support them when their CEO would probably somehow sue me if I was poisoned there. I have been hoodwinked into feeling responsible for the well-being of companies' that wouldn't give us a crumb if we were starving at the foot of their table. Oh no it's been two days of self-quarantine and I am already absolutely nuts.